Tuesday, October 15, 2019

The Beginning of my Story

Ya'll should be super proud of me I went 8 days into my gratitude practice...7 months ago. Thought you would. I actually went several days past that, I just didn't type them up and push Publish. :/ It's fine.

On to the next new thing!

This morning I specifically told my husband we're doing a spending freeze this week. We have the holidays coming up and all of the birthdays and it's time to buckle down and be more mindful of our spending...
That only lasted a few hours because Zamzows was having a pottery sale, it only lasts until Wednesday and I HAD to get some new pots for my suffering plants. 
They told me to...plus it doesn't count if you put it on a credit card. Promise.
But look how happy our Venus Fly Trap is it it's new home! It's been so squished in it's container since the day I bought him and I did promise it the best new glass house. Best part is, it was only $12 so duh. Winning.

Back to the REAL reason I'm here. Typing for the very first time...(Thanks Madonna. :) Just the first time here in October 2019. So I had an epiphany while putting my new Sweet Flag ornamental grasses in..or was it when I was putting up my new bird feeder? Anyways. 

We have lived in this house for over two and a half years. And really it's been great. We do like it here. But I was reminded of a time that when we looked at this house, I HATED IT! It was all beige (still is) with brown carpet (still there) and it was NOT what I wanted in a new house. Like at all. We had just fixed up our sweet charmer on Sunbird Ave. and it was just what I wanted. Mostly because we spent ten years fixing it up to my, I mean, our specifications. This house was so builder grade I wanted to puke. It had no charm, no personality and I just wanted to run away.

But we didn't. I talked myself into fixing it up within the next 5 years (now we have less than 3) since this is our 5 year plan house before our forever home. Right. So today I was fixing up my front garden, really for the very first time, (thanks Madonna voice), or maybe the seventh, I dunno? and I thought how silly is it that I'm just getting around to doing things the way I'm wanting them around here and I related that to another area of my life.

For 30+ years I was an active, faithful little mormon girl. (And pu-leeeez do not give me the shpeel "that's not what they're called any more!" PEOPLE. People. They've been Mormons for GENERATIONS. CENTURIES, even....that name ain't going nowhere just because ol' Russell said so. Take a breath and untwist your panties for a minute.)
Ahem.

I was super good. Faithful even, or at least as far as I could manage. I did my best to do all the things I was supposed to until the questions began to pile up to the point where I had an enormous mound that I could do nothing with it. The things I wanted to know where not ever brought up in class and if they were they were swept under the rug. Now, this might bode well for some people, but for years I've been on a journey of self healing and self discovery and was starting to take notice that how I thought I was or what others thought I was supposed to be, really wasn't who I was. Like at all. And none of this was sitting well with me. 

Since moving to a new ward, it was different and very hard because like I said I was with my last one for over 10 years. I just didn't jive with it.  Like at all. The people were nice, but things began to shift within me and it was harder and harder to motivate myself to go every week and to plaster that sweet lil' smile on my face. Once we got home from church I would just unload on Brent and ask him dozens of questions that either never had crossed his mind, or he didn't know. I was getting frustrated and so was he. It's a true thing that Brent does not think like me, nor I him because if we did we be as good as pair as pickles and cat hair...but wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. 

I really became anxious and depressed and could not shake the "I'm not good enough" story from my brain. I was taking care of my home, my kids, but I wasn't doing my "ministering" super faithfully. Tithing was a battle between us as a couple. And the bishop was not the warmest guy on the block. But I showed up, I did my best to keep my hooligan kids collected and as quiet as could be for at least an hour until I could scoot them to their classes after sacrament. And still I was comparing myself to other sweet, dear ladies in the ward who WERE doing ALL the things and still would voice their own disappointment in themselves EVERY SUNDAY...I was baffled. How was I ever going to get into heaven, because they are doing so much more than I and I...I'm just not enough. Not even coming close to the bar that someone else set for me.

I never intended to leave. Not ever in a million years. I once came across what I considered, anti-mormon literature once on the internet and I thought...oh well, they chose Satan instead of Jesus. 

I remember once when I was about 8 years old I threw an enormous fit over going to church. I told my mom, I wasn't going. So my family left me. The pain of guilt was so intense. I sat on my bed crying, trying to understand what was wrong with me. I felt alone at church. I didn't feel a connection with any one. Not even the kids I went to school with were enough of a reason to go. But this is what we do, we go to church, rain or shine.     
That is just what we do.   
 I finally couldn't handle the weight of all the guilt so I made my slow walk of shame to my family's bench feeling the heat of my mother's satisfactory "I told you so" look as I took my seat. And I don't blame her. That's just what she was taught and so it goes...

I never questioned anything. I was always guaranteed to agree and go along with everything. But then I was called to be a Sunday School teacher for the 10-11 year olds and we started teaching about Joseph Smith and this is were my thirst to really know truth began.


Thursday, July 25, 2019

Magic Practice No. 8

So yesterday afternoon was a bit of a rollercoaster.  We FINALLY let out a sigh of relief knowing our cat was alive and well. She had been missing for 5 days without a trace so the fact that we found her was really a miracle. Especially since she was picked up by a animal control officer over 20 miles away from home just hours before we checked the shelter!! We picked her up from the Idaho Humane Society and a HUGE shout out to them for doing what they do! We have suspicions that a neighbor took her for a ride and I hope our cat left them a nice turd in their car. Some people suck.

But now that dust has settled (for the moment), let's move onto our gratefuls SHALL we?

1. I am grateful that we were able to bring Julep home and give that stinky girl a bath. Man! was she dirty! We missed her greatly.
2. I am grateful for a really nice day today. Ev offered to help wash the car  (monetary notes were exchanged for her endeavor) and she is doing a candy-free year in exchange for $100. Go Ev!
3. I am grateful for some alone time to do things that have been occupying my mind for a while--getting some art on our walls-finally!
4. I am grateful to be going into Leo season, going from water to fire. It's been nice being reclusive, but it's now time to ROAR!
5. I am grateful for my animals. I love being able to take care of something that doesn't complain.
6. I am grateful to let go of how crazy our neighbors are and allow the situation to MOVE ON.
7. I am grateful for Jupiter for being the big giant protector, keeping our humble planet safe from cataclysmic asteroids.
8. I am grateful for my yummy pineapple tea this afternoon, it hit the sweet spot right nice.
9. I am grateful for a babysitter to say YES! Brent and I can finally have a date night!
10. I am grateful to be able to learn all. the. things. Thank you YouTube.


Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Magic Practice No. 7

I just learned some things about me that TOOOOTALLY explain why in the devil I'm the way that I am. I mentioned in a few practices previous that I my energy has been completely zonked the last little while and that is because I am a PROJECTOR. A projector is one that is a Non-Energy type of Human Design which means I don't have consistent access to my own energy and I need lots of sleep (hello, nine sweet hours of rest!). There are many more things that I've learned, but we can save it for another day. To find out what your HD type is go here. It's super facinating!

On to the practice.
1. I am grateful for the little rain shower we had yesterday. It was nice to have cloud cover for a change.
2. I am grateful that I stopped the kids for a moment and took them outside to enjoy BEing in the rain...and that I have photos of it! Winning.
3. I am grateful to have seen a double rainbow. It never gets old searching for one after a rainstorm.
4. I am grateful for the after shower we had while the sun was out. It's one of my favorite things in nature to experience.
5. I am grateful for the smell of rain, cleansing the air and filling my lungs with freshly rinsed air.
6. I am grateful to have let my clean-nazi guard down today. Although everything was covered in cereal crumbs, I was actually surprised I didn't get upset.
7. I am grateful that Brent got to go play basketball last night. It's always a double win since I score some time all to myself.
8. I am grateful for this day I have before me to do exactly what I wish. (Which turns out to be totally true since I have a baby napping and the other three kids are playing at a friends!)
9. I am grateful to be reminded to BE in my heart center to be sure to make all, if not most, of my decisions today from my highest good/self.
10. I am grateful that everything comes to me with ease. Thank you Godiverse. (For those who are confused, Godiverse = God + Universe)


Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Magic Practice No. 6.

So this is today (the real today) that I'm writing this. Today has been long and I'm feeling exhausted from driving 800 miles in two days.  I may have mentioned that certain things squeeze the energy out of me and I'm working on learning what kinds of situations make me feel that way and then finding the right ways that builds my energy back up. That, and I'm empathic so emotional events, like a funeral are really overwhelming sometimes because it's not just my emotions I'm feeling, it's like everyone.

One thing I like to do after taking in lots of junk foods and just crap, I do at the very least an intermittent fast in the morning, just drinking tea or water, having a light lunch and then a light dinner. Another duh, is a epsom salt bath, and one that I didn't get to today was reading or taking a  nap. But tonight will definitely been an early night for bed for everyone, because HELLO! we still have summer to have!

1. I am grateful to be home in my OWN bed.
2. I am grateful to have a greater understanding of what I want/need after a long trip.
3. I am grateful to have a semi-fast day to let my body clear out all of the crap I just ate...
4. I am grateful for a husband that's a very good team player and is always willing to help and tag team duties.
5. I am grateful to have some time alone to recharge.
6. I am grateful for a rest day and not do much of anything...except go to Costco because there are diapers and food for the dog that are needed, and um doi-the cheapest and easiest lunch around.
7. I am grateful for getting there and back to NV safely and in good time. (Because making good time is EVERYTHING to me! hah)
8. I am grateful for Costco for providing dinner for tonight. TGFRC-Thank goodness for rotisserie chicken.
9. I am grateful that my kids are capable of making their own snacks...(they're currently popping popcorn unattended. It's fine.)
10. I am grateful for sweet memories of loved ones that have since past, also grateful for their continuing love.

Magic Practice No. 5

1. I am grateful that we got up and had breakfast all together as a family this morning.
2. I am grateful that it was SO not my fault for us waking up so early and that I can blame it all on the baby who was paying with the alarm clock the night before and messed up the time (we got up just after 6a thinking it was 8a).
3. I am grateful that even though we got up early is was on PST and that in all reality we got an extra hour of sleep.
4. I am grateful that the kids could spend time with their cousins and that we could spend more time together as a family.
5. I am SO dang grateful the Relief Society was NOT in charge of the funeral luncheon. It was so refreshing having a change from ham, canned green beans, and funeral potatoes.
6. I am grateful that Brent and I got to spend an hour together listing to a podcast in quiet on the way home. (Note that it was a 6 hour drive...just for reference).
7. I am grateful we were protected and safe on the road.
8. I am grateful for the lightening storm that we happened upon coming back into our valley.
9. I am grateful for smart and capable people that do the right thing in hopes to create a better world.
10. I am grateful for the internet so listening to higher ways of thinking is accessible.

Magic Practice No. 4

The next few are a catch up from the last few days. We went out of town for a funeral and there was no way I was about to type this all out on my phone, LOL. So right to the point:

1. I am grateful for this spontaneous trip to spend time with my family and to do something out of our norm.
2. I am grateful to have found an awesome pet sitter for Bea, giving me absolute peace of mind leaving her.
3. I am grateful for kind and caring neighbors. I really like knowing the people that live by us.
4. I am grateful for earplugs, especially on trips, especially with my uber-sensitive ears.
5. I am grateful for comfy pants to travel in. It makes ALL the difference.
6. I am grateful for Peppa Pig on the iPad to keep the children entertained.
7. I am grateful that my thumb seems to be fid of its arthritis-at least most of it. It makes writing much more enjoyable
8. I am grateful for makeup. I love taking care of myself and feeling beautiful.
9. I am grateful for our Pilot. She's still my favorite ride, even if the kids have destroyed most of the interior...and exterior...
10. I am grateful to learn about Human Design on a podcast. As soon as there is internet (still driving) I desire to learn more about it.

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Magic Practice No. 3

Day three on Magic Practice watch, BIG things are happening...
On my insides...LOL

Last night stretched me pretty thin. I snapped, but just a bit. Just kidding. It was a lot. Our new puppy Bea, still potty training, peed one spot too many and I lost my shiz. I was so dang tired. So. Dang. Tired. We watched a movie as a fam as we normally do and stayed up later than we usually let the kids and even during the movie, I got pulled 2-3 times to take a break and go do some me time, which is TOTALLY necessary for MANY a reasons (but that's for another time, folks). And long story short, my husband and I didn't talk until the next morning. Which, it's always fine, we just know when space is needed, space is given.

Although at the time I didn't consider it a win, I felt that so many things were being released while yelling. You're expelling and inhaling so much air that I felt I reached down to my toenails for the parts that were just waiting to be released, and I think they did.  I did several smoker's coughs at the end and just started to cry, allowing everything to just come out. And it did. At least that layer was let go.  An IG post that I just read said when we cry, all these heavy e-motions, (energy in motion) "joy, bliss, pain, trauma, and distorted energy are too powerful to ground via speech or auric field." Crying is considered the most powerful way to release loads of blocked energy which "blast up the spine and out of the water in your tears". (@plasmaborn369 & @5d_truth)

This morning I was hella tired. Which is totally normal when I go through a huge emotional blast but it's been a good day full of retail therapy, some time away from my family members, (ha) and lots and lots of water to move those last bits of toxicity out. I'm not going to lie this morning's gratefuls did not flow as easily as before and I really had to dig, and even then it felt a little bit disingenuine, but for me, it's about ingraining that habit.

1. I am grateful for the dark so you can have contrast to the light--quick side bar here: After writing these this morning, I went up to the butte for a walk and on one side of me I had the beautiful bright rising sun, and the other I had my shadow cast from the light and the moon. The moon is attributed with the shadow side and I thought it a really powerful confirmation of my words.
2. I am grateful for plants. (at this point I was just looking around my room for things to fill up my page...but still it's true. I love my plants. One I've even named, Friend) I love being surrounded by my little green friends.
3. I am grateful for my blue striped pajama bottoms. They are super long and I love them. (They are sooooo bomb.com)
4. I am grateful that my body is able to tell me to slow down when I'm tired....although I'm still trying to understand how to do that.
5. I am grateful for snuggly, fuzzy blankets, because...um, why not?!
6. I am grateful for water. It is highly undervalued (at least in first world countries) and even though that's mostly all I drink, I still love me some refreshing h20 - double points if it's yummy from the tap.
7. I am grateful for water. No, I didn't forget I just wrote that I was grateful for water, I am grateful for its cleansing, healing, and relaxing properties (i.e a long hot shower, soaking in a salt water bath).
8. I am grateful for my connection I have with my higher self. (is that shiz supposed to be capitalized??) I am still working on straightening it, but I am grateful it's there nonetheless and that it is something I've learned about when I did--if that makes sense.
9. I am grateful for the elements, fire, earth, air, water. Somehow I feel I need to learn more about them.
10. I am grateful for guidance in finding my cordless earbuds last night. Those are my favorite listening devices.



Friday, July 19, 2019

the one where I don't resolute to do anything, but start something...

Jan, 2014
(I had some drafts that were never posted and I think it a waste not to publish.)

I noticed the problem when all my daughter wanted to eat was cereal.  For breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks...whenever.

I finally just started saying no.  And that wasn't working.  Trying to reason with a three year old that her nutrition can't revolve around Marshmello Mateys and Life is pretty much a lost cause.  So what does one do???!  Pulling out hair maybe an option, but thought that might leave me bald in a short amount of time.

For the last, oh... maybe 8 months we've implemented more "real" foods into our diet and less processed crap-because that's exactly what it is--crap.  Tasty and is extremely convenient, but utter crap, um crud.  The more research that I've done, not to mention taking a nutrition course last semester, I am absolutely appalled at what passes for "food" in our country.  It's no wonder that a majority of Americans are overweight and have heart disease and diabetes.  And lets face it, diets DO NOT WORK.  None of them.  All those diet books are, again-crap.  Good nutrition and regular exercise will work every time.

Harsh huh.

Not looking to hurt feelers here, but in reality I see peoples' quality of life is going down the toilet and it genuinely makes me sad.  I am SO not saying I never ever give my kids boxed mac and cheese and I hate Cheetos....because I could and would eat a whole bag of Cheetos if it was socially acceptable, (which it borderline is :/ ) but what I'm saying, is for 2014, I'm making a change in my family.  How we eat, where, when--it's getting a makeover.  We're not talking a drastic makeover that will happen in the time it takes to watch a reality tv show.  I'm in it for the long haul we're taking it slow and steady; implementing new strategies and using different ways to do things.

The book that got me started...well I should back up...  I got the idea of reading this book was from a site I picked up from Facebook, somehow:  100 Days of Real Food.  Great website, great resources of knowledge and I really appreciate the founder, Lisa, of how much effort and research she's put in to working with her family to make the change.  I'm delighted by the posts that she has and I will admit, some of the recipes I saw before this book, I thought- how and WHY would anyone eat that...ew.  But weirdly enough, this book has changed even my perspective and I look back on the same dishes and now think, huh, that looks delish..  Intrigued?



The book I've started is called:


What got me was the title.  French Kids Eat Everything.  Seriously, everything??  I've never been to France, but if Karen Le Billon is so bold to make that her title, it's gotta be true.  Right?  I'm mean, at this point just to get my kids to eat something green beyond broccoli would put me over the moon!  Not to mention I won't even eat everything. I'm hoping it can change my thoughts on a few foods. ( I am curious about trying eggplant and have been for years. ) Why not right?

I was instantly hooked on her 10 rules, or rather non rules.  I like to think of them rather as guidelines.  I've been using a few of them only a short time in my home and I have already seen an immediate result from my kids.  It's so astounding to me that I'm writing a huge post on it.  Needless to say, no more cereal for snack, lunch, and dinner...for Evs.. and so far she hasn't minded.  At all.

As you can see, this is something that I've become easily passionate about and would love to share my story along the way to see how many positive influences we can create to make this year a great one.  And that's what January is about, a new start.  I'm not doing any resolutions, because for me they don't work.  I just want to start.  To go.  Dive in and MAKE this a great year.  Because a great year just doesn't happen.  It doesn't arrive on your front porch in a beautiful package.  You have got to make it that way.  And what better way than to commit to start from the inside out.  

Put good in and get good out.  In order to compound goodness you have to start with goodness.  And with me, that starts with what I'm putting in me and my family.  And I'm going to end there before those saying find themselves on an inspiration calendar.

I wish you and yours a FANTASTIC new year and hope your resolutions see you with momentous motivation to be a better you.  What are your (non) resolutions for 2014?


much love,
-a


Magic Practice No. 2

Phew! Are we done with eclipse season yet? If you have no idea what I'm talking about, sit tight. If you think that the ebbs and pulls of the stars are just a bunch of baloney, think--the tides are effected by the moon. Tides=water and we are, what? 70ish% made of water...so yeah. You're welcome for that mini lesson in astrology. ;)

I do feel much better today, FOR SURE. I woke up much earlier than I normally have and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I wasn't already overtaken by malaise. I'm pretty sure it's because I listened to a podcast that talked about having a chemical free body and my body totally incorporated that into my DNA so, yay. Feeling more alive than I did yesterday.

I mentioned the amazing effects that The Magic has and I've already seen it start to manifest more into my life. (Only after one day, ya'll -fist bump) Right after I had my fourth baby, Edie, just a few weeks later I started to have the worst abdomen pain-ever.  I took a salt bath, I tried breathing, and then the pain was so severe, on top of it, I was having a panic attack. It was late at night, almost midnight and my husband rushed me to the ER, like any sweet, loving husband would do. BUT! Only days previous my insurance had switched hospital brands... No one is thinking clearly when this shiz is going down. Notta one, so he just took me to the hospital that I had Edie. Cool deal? Not in the slightest.

Not only did it take three doses of pain meds to stop me from screaming at people but I had to pay for the whole excursion, labs, tests, and all out of pocket. Which amounts to $10,000 that we weren't expecting to shell out. Shit. Now, I've done many a prayer and any voodoo thing I could think of, as in envisioning some super rich person to stroll up to the accounts department at the hospital and randomly selecting my bill to pay off.  I even did the laborious task of applying to financial assistance through the hospital that was a freaking circus to get through, only to be denied several months after submitting all of that damn paperwork.

Now, the fun part. While going through my mail today, there was an letter from my hospital saying that the financial assistance went through and that my account has been closed. CLOSED PEOPLE!! If that's not pure magic, I don't know what is. Next up, closing out my student loans...hehehe.

Magic Practice  No. 2
(Oh, and P.S. I was a little ticked this morning as I was going through my Magic Practice cards, looking ahead for the upcoming practices..there are at least two weeks worth of cards that are the SAME. Damn. I'm thinking I need to retype some of my cards...or not. Maybe it doesn't really matter? I haven't decided yet...)

1. I am grateful for puppy breath. Nothing in this world can match its pure essence. That and baby's breath. Pure blissful amazingness.
2. I am grateful I woke up on my own this morning earlier that I normally do, feeling alive and re-energized.

3. I am grateful to be more aware of living in the now and enjoying just that moment.

4. I am grateful to have had such a solid sleep last night. I feel that I can really conquer the day.

5. I am grateful Ito have a background in music. I love music so much.

6. I am grateful for books. I love I have such easy access to them.

7. I am grateful for FRIDAYS! It is such a happy day to be that much closer to the weekend.

8. I am grateful for money and the energy around it. It is a beautiful resource to have.

9. I am grateful for my swollen arthritic thumb. I feel a (slight) tingle of excitement to unlock and release whatever is there.

10. I am grateful for my family. There put up with a lot from me and even when  I have my broken days, there are still here to love and support me.

And, by the way, if anyone out there is wondering about me caring if you are seeing this, I don't. This is for me and if it helps you and anyway, that's what it's there for. I feel those that will need it will find this and not judge me. And/or if you do, I still don't care.
Much love.  <3

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Magic Pratice No. 1

I'm been delving into the self help book section for almost  4 years now... something that I have zero shame in. I don't know why is a bigger deal to understand who you are, what you like, what you don't like. Although I feel that people are pretty good about knowing what they don't like, it's just they don't know what to do about it... FOLKS! PICK UP A DAMN BOOK ALREADY!! There is SO much information out there, you'll NEVER have time to read it all. Believe me, that was a fear I had to talk myself out of that it was ok that I won't read ALL of the books. How do you know which one is for you??
My favorite answer is... YOU do.

If you can ignore your kids while you scroll through IG or FB you can certainly take 5 minutes and be by yourself and reacquaint yourself with the sound of your breath. Literally let yourself sit and just be.  I personally like my bedroom closet. It's dark and I gladly can lock my bedroom door and allow some self love and connect with my higher being and ground myself to mother Earth. It's wonderful and glorious and it's important enough to set an alarm in your phone to do that.

Carrying on...I picked up a book about 2 year ago called, The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. It has 28 days worth of practices that allows you to create a headspace outside your normal humdrum. And not joking I had really incredible results from the get go so here I am doing it again. Each day, my goal is to write about my experience and then we get to see what happens. I mainly am doing it this way because typing is SOOOOO much faster than print. Lazy of me, I know. So with that...

Magic Practice No. 1
Write ten things you are grateful for and why. Then read through each either out loud or inside you mind and end each grateful prompt with the magic words, thank you, thank you, thank you. 

1. I am grateful to wake up to sun streaming in my window because it makes me feel like the day is going to be a good day.
2. I am grateful to have a home to make my own.
3. I am grateful for parts of me that need attention so I can help myself get back to health.
4. I am grateful I didn't lose my cool with my kids yet this morning so we can have a happier day.
5. I am grateful I have the choice to choose how I feel at any given moment because how my day goes is up to me.
6. I am grateful for my babies to teach me things I wouldn't otherwise learn.
7. I am grateful for waking up to a messy-haired baby because it puts a smile on my face...and it's adorable.
8. I am grateful to be getting the sleep my body needs even though it means waking up later.
9. I am grateful to know that my exercise routine can be put on pause and be picked back up whenever I'm ready to go back.
10. I am grateful for a guy like Tony Robbins to teach me more about money so my days of being financially free are on its way.     

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

it's only been a few...years

Instead of trying to backtrack all these many months years, we'll just cut to the chase and keep the flow going from there. Because it's all about the flow, don't ya know? That's at least what the enlightened ones say...

I'm not sure what I'm here for (here writing this, not wondering why I'm on Earth...we'll just save that for a different time, huh?). I've had the itch to get back to writing for the last several years...YEARS. And I haven't done it. I've totally have stuffed it and shoved it to the further neck of my mind. Mostly because I have been worried about the aesthetics, the content, and because I excuse my self as a mother that has plenty suck up my day. But this morning I just could not fight it and instead of creating another umpteenth blog, I'm starting back up with the last one I created, Spunky and Me.  So much has changed since then, people. So much. Like for starters we don't live on Sunbird Ave. anymore, AND we have had two more kids since then, making it an even four hellions with adorably rambunctious intentions.

So here's me now, reintroducing my livelihood, even though we have barely even scratched the surface of a very tangled web of life that I'm still trying to grasp.  But I'm finding it's not ever going to be untangled and it's more about managing my perspective on said tangles. A lot of that has been happening too, my perspective. It's been a long, long train ride thus far and although there are many a days where I wish it would stop, it's really just the beginning of an endless journey. And here it is. The start of a new beginning. Welcome to my story.